The next few minutes are a mystery to me. I remember being pushed and knocked about, considerable snorting behind my head and in my ears, and an over-all sensation of being caught up in an irresistible pink hurricane. Coming to, I found myself standing with my palms against the wall in one of the stalls of the bathroom, my skirt scrunched up at my waist and my panties (also pink) down around my ankles. I got my hindquarters cleaned up (and why did I use that word?) then went out the door.
As I walked back to my seat, I noticed the room had developed a sort of fogginess which seemed to be afflicting only myself. I slid into the booth – leaving a wet streak on the wooden bench. I looked over at Sassy Pants, who gave me a sly, indulgent smile and observed, “Yes, ever since he was a colt, no one could get Victor to put away his toys.” I looked at her out of a place of perfect serenity and replied, “Sassy… there is only one way to describe it: I feel like I was ‘ridden hard and put away wet.’ Sassy looked at me with affectionate, sisterly envy, then took another sip of her beer.
I was not in any condition to do any talking, so Sassy Pants took the floor. “As Victor pointed out,” she began, “we unicorns joined ourselves to you LGBT-folk some years ago. And when we did, it was shortly thereafter that gays and lesbians began to ‘come out’ into the light.”
“Being allied with us, they soon saw that refusing to live a lie – courageously revealing the truth of their love to the world – had the most wonderful effect. Where they had expected to receive only rejection and condemnation, they often found sympathy and acceptance. Thus, we unicorns had a hand in dismantling that ‘closet’ of shame and denial in which you were imprisoned.”
“Now, today, when we observe the status of Catholic Doctrine, we see yet another noxious ‘Cloud of Deception’ – and many more members of that church who suffer for it. Every priest is compelled to swear a ‘Vow of Celibacy’ by which he is cast in the role of ‘Penitent’ in a drama (written, produced and directed by the Church) according to which he is encouraged to spend his life seeking ‘Earthly Glory’ by pretending that his love for God is so strong – and his faith so all-consuming – that all of his procreative urges have been burnt up in the fire of his devotion.”
“But we know this is seldom what happens. In fact, his ‘animal urges’ are not so easily waved away in this dramatic fantasy. Sometimes, he will have (in secret) a common-law wife or lover; sometimes, he will have (again in secret) gay lovers, or sometimes, he will secretly molest young boys. These are nothing less than facts.”
“And do not think the Church is unaware of these facts. Nevertheless, the Pope and his cardinals have decided that no corrective action is warranted. They seem to believe that the value of this “Toxic Cloud of Counterfeit Celibacy” is worth whatever ill effects result. But let us remind ourselves of who suffers for it.”
“Here I will surprise you by skipping over those many young boys who are molested by those stealthy ‘pedophile priests.’ I will discuss another group of victims – one equally blameless, and no less deserving of protection.”
“Did you know there are several tens of thousands of elderly nuns who have already retired, or who are about to do so? These are women who gave their lives to the Church; taking the same Vow of Poverty and Vow of Celibacy as the priests (but earning thereby no similar place of honor in His Church). These are women who spent their entire adult lives teaching school and caring for the sick and cooking, cleaning and mending their few possessions. Women whose love for God is no less pure than any male priest.”
“But did you know… these nuns are now retiring into deepest poverty. The Church offers them no nursing homes where they might spend their declining years. No retirement funds are available to provide them with medical care, shelter or a dignified place where they might pass away. No. In just the past two years, the Church in this country paid-out $153 million in damages to victims of those priests who molest little boys. That money is gone, and with it any hope of comfort for those innocent nuns in their old age.”
“You see, Holly,” Sassy mournfully observed, “it is always the women and children who pay the price… when men seek out an “Earthly Glory” in some self-centered game of ‘Let’s Pretend.’”