Are you old enough – or, if you are younger, did you ever read about – the earliest days of the Civil Rights struggle in this country? Back on February 1, 1960, in Greensboro, North Carolina, four young black men staged a “sit-in” at the lunch counter of a Woolworth store. Of course, that lunch counter was for “Whites Only” but those brave young men came in and sat on the stools and tried to order a simple Coca-Cola (which they never got).
And there were plenty of white folk in that city who said, “Well, let them go someplace else to buy a Coke. There’s other places that serve their kind.” But in time, as we know, justice prevailed.
One aspect of that injustice – perhaps, at the time, a rather subtle consideration – was this: That Woolworth store was protected by a police force, and a fire department, and a city ambulance service, and a public works department (the roads and sidewalks), and a court system (to deal with anyone who robbed the place), all of which were paid for by city taxes. And those city taxes were paid, in part, by all the black families who lived in that town.
So, even though significant part of that town was “off limits” to black folk, nevertheless black citizens were compelled to pay taxes to support all those businesses and government buildings they couldn’t use.
Now, this would be merely a shameful incident from our nation’s past… except it is happening all over again, and it promises to get worse.
It started with bakeries refusing to bake wedding cakes for same-sex couples, but it’s not stopping there. No, the legislatures of several states are busy passing laws permitting business owners to refuse service to LGBT folks. Their thinking is simple: They want to turn North Carolina and Texas into one big “lunch counter” where we LGBT folks can be turned away.
If they get their wish, there will be bars and restaurants and stores and gas stations and government offices that are “Straight Only,” but you – LGBT taxpayer that you are – will still be expected to pay your full share of taxes to support and protect all those places where you are excluded.
So when you get fired from a job (for being LGBT), or refused a chance to rent an apartment (for the same reason), and you are made homeless and destitute, the cause will be discrimination that is fully legal under the laws of that state. And you will get no discount on your taxes for being a second-class citizen.
What I have said so far is only half the injustice. There is also this.
So ask yourself: As to all those citizens who voted for the politicians who allow us to be refused service…where will you find them on a Sunday morning? You will find them attending the Full-Gospel, Baptized-in-Bigotry Church of the Bible-Thumpers, that’s where. And standing up in front of all those True Believers – and delivering a sermon that condemns us LGBT folk – is a Pastor whose salary is paid by his church.
And that Pastor’s salary is bigger and richer than it would otherwise be, because that church (like all other churches) is exempt from paying local real estate taxes (and Federal taxes, too). So, you… currently-out-of-work-and-homeless-LGBT-person that you are (who got lawfully fired from your job and evicted from your apartment) have to pay Extra taxes in order to make up for the taxes Not Paid by that Pastor who slanders you.
Does that seem fair? No. Of course not. If that church gets the benefit of police and fire and roads and snow plowing, then they should pay local taxes just like the pizza shop and the Starbucks and the movie theater in that town. Nobody should have to subsidize the salary of that hateful preacher, least of all us LGBT-folk who suffer so much because of his bigotry.
We pay the same taxes as everybody else, and we deserve – we have purchased! – the same right to patronize all those open-to-the-public businesses supported and protected by local taxes.
And most important, it’s time for churches – especially those churches which pretend to share a message of love and brotherhood – to pay the same taxes that everybody else pays. Every little diner and coffee shop and seamstress in my town pays those taxes, and no one is asking any church to pay any more than what everyone else pays.
Yes, let the churches pay the same taxes that the lunch counters pay. It’s only just.
No wait. I said that wrong. What I meant was: In 2016, transgender men and women will elect the President. Yea. That’s closer to the truth. Here is how it will happen.
There are two national parties – the Blue Party and the Red Party. Now, most transgender folks will vote for the candidate of the Blue Party, but what about the Red Party? Well, if that candidate wins, he will owe his victory to us. Here’s how:
Every four years, when the Red Party starts the process of choosing its candidate, they start that process in… that diverse and cosmopolitan state… that state with a widely diversified economy (growing both “corn” and “more corn”)… that state having a diverse electorate made up of “conservative Christians” (at the one extreme) and “even more conservative Christians” (in the middle) and then – all the way out at the other extreme – “Full-Gospel, Bible-Thumping, Speaking-in-Tongues conservative Christians.” Yes. Iowa.
So the Red Party – knowing full well it’s one of only two national parties – every election cycle starts out its nominating process in a state which is as different as it could possibly be from the great majority of the other states. This way, the Red Party guarantees that when their prospective candidates travel to Iowa to seek supporters, they will have no choice but to tailor their “message” to voters who are vastly more conservation than the great majority of voters throughout the rest of the country.
We saw this happen in 2008, when Mike Huckabee – who served for more than ten years as a pastor in a Baptist Church – came in second to the eventual nominee, John McCain. And now he’s a regular Fox News bloviator.
Skipping over The Donald (who no one not under the influence of powerful hallucinogenic drugs could have predicted), the Red Party was currently toying with Senator Ted Cruz and Governor John Kasich of Ohio. And here, even Kasich – who has never been a friend of LGBT-folk, but who (if left alone) would probably prefer to just ignore-us-to-death – was forced by the Iowa process to take a far more anti-LGBT stance than he otherwise would have.
But Ted Cruz is the one who – if he can just refine his message of bigotry and hate – will ride into the Oval Office on the backs of transgender men and women. He started in Iowa with his anti-LGBT message, but he quickly had to refocus his hatred on the “T.” Everybody knows that same-sex marriage was established by the Supreme Court, and there is nothing Ted can do about it. But for us “T-folk” he can get a lot of mileage – and campaign contributions – claiming that we are a threat to every little girl in America who needs to pee and has to use a public bathroom.
It’s all a lie – but this is politics, and there is little we can do about it.
So 2016 is our turn to offer ourselves up as a sacrifice. This cycle, it’s transgender men and women who will be the boogeyman who the Red candidates will campaign against. But who knows? Next cycle, maybe they’ll go back to picking on LGB-folk, like they usually do.
But one thing I know. They’ll start in Iowa, and they’ll practice and refine their message of bigotry and hatred there, before they roll it out to the rest of the country.
Far be it from their party bosses to see what is happening and pick another state. How about Illinois? It’s got agriculture in the southern part of the state and a big city in the north. Or even Ohio. It’s similar. Lots of Red voters in the south and Blue voters in the north. Either of those states would be a better balance.
But until that happens, we can look forward to being the “whipping boy” of the State of Iowa. But that’s okay. It’s the least we can do to help the Red party select a candidate who so extreme that he is likely to lose all the rest of the States. So I say to all my LGB friends, “You’re welcome. I’m honored to make the sacrifice.”
One final note. While writing this article, I had to look up Ted Cruz on the internet, and I noticed something: His face reminded me of someone from long ago. At first I couldn’t remember who it was, but finally it came to me. He looks just like Snidley Whiplash! (Well, you have to imagine him with a curly mustache.) There’s something about the eyes… and the mouth. Try it. Look them both up and decide for yourself. And they’re both from Canada! (A coincidence? I think not.)
(I had a dream last night that Donald Trump won the election. Then, he decided to “reach out” to the LGBT community by asking me to give him advice on how his administration should handle certain issues that relate to LGBT men and women.)
To: President-Elect Trump
From: Holly Maholm
Subject: Proposed LGBT Policies for Your Administration
As you requested, I am submitting several proposed new policies you may wish to adopt concerning LGBT-related issues. (I apologize that we had so little time together when we met. I confess I had to pee, and when no one at the White House would let me use any of the bathrooms, I had to leave urgently and go to the gas station across the street.)
Also, I apologize that – in my previous memo to you – I totally failed to understand your preferred approach to LGBT issues. You told me to avoid anything which is “Politically Correct,” and no doubt it was only my limited intelligence (I hope you won’t label me “stupid”) that prevented me from realizing that – to you – “Politically Correct” includes anything set forth in the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, or Statutory Federal Law.
So I re-read that autographed copy of Art of the Deal which you gave me, and I found just the approach I think you will like. There are three LGBT-related problems for which I am going to suggest solutions.
The first is wedding cakes. This country is seeing far too many disputes concerning wedding cakes ordered at Christian bakeries and intended for consumption at same-sex marriage ceremonies. This madness must end!
My proposal is this: Gay men and women should be allowed to order a wedding cake from any bakery they want. However, those bakers – if so moved by the Holy Spirit – should be permitted to decorate that cake with any message of their own choosing.
For example, one cake might read: “Congratulations to Jason and Bruce – They Put “Da Bomb” in “Abomination!” Or another: “Best Wishes to Diane and Natalie for a Lifetime of Wedded Bliss – and an Eternity of Hellfire.” Or even: “What God Hath Joined Together, Let No Man… Wait, Never Mind, You’re Faggots.” A reasonable compromise, I believe.
Next issue: Gay marriage, itself. Again, we see many disputes arising when a gay or lesbian couple comes into a clerk’s office to get a marriage license, and the clerk – a Christian – is convinced that doing her simple little clerical duty will earn her an Eternity of Damnation. I have a solution, and it’s one we Republicans should be familiar with.
Here it is: When a gay couple comes in to get a marriage license, the clerk will help them fill out an application for a license, but it won’t be a license from the state where they live. No, it will be a license to get married under the laws of one of those “tax shelter” countries like Monaco, Bermuda or the Cayman Islands!
That way, the gay couple can have their “marriage,” but it won’t pollute the purity of all those (straight) married couples in states like Kentucky and Tennessee. And who knows, maybe that gay couple will avoid some taxes along the way! Our party has been using this scheme to cheat on taxes for decades – why not use it to cheat gay and lesbian couples in same way?
Final Problem: Transgender women wanting to use the ladies room. I don’t need to review the problem this controversy is causing across the country. So…here’s my solution.
Did you ever go to a fancy restaurant, and they had some snooty rule that “Men Must Wear a Necktie” (if they want to be served)? So then, if you show up at the door without a necktie, they will loan you one to wear while you eat.
Well, I thought about it, and I realized that the men in Muslim countries have found the perfect solution. They force all the women to wear those shapeless, black, head-to-toe coverings (shrouds, really) that completely take away each women’s God-given identity, pride and self-respect. They force women to cover their entire bodies, as if their very existence in this world was something shameful and unclean.
So my plan is this: We do like all those snooty restaurants do. We require bars and restaurants to keep a couple of those black shrouds (they call them “chador”) for use by transgender women (when they want to pee). So all the trannies know, if they want to answer nature’s call, they’ve got to put one on.
I hope my suggestions will meet with your approval, and I stand ready to serve your administration in any way I can (provided you let me use the bathroom).
Recently I have read articles attacking men who – it is claimed – have turned transwomen into “fetish objects.” These are men who – it is darkly suggested – have improper desires for transwomen, and whose erotic attachment to our transgender bodies “dishonors” us. This is bullshit.
To begin with, as we can all agree if we recall the years Hillary Clinton spent in the White House, there is much honor to be earned by a woman who “stands by her man.”
Going on, it is well-known in our LGBT community that those rare men who are sexually attracted to transwomen are sometimes referred to as “tranny chasers.” This vile slur, we know, was invented several decades ago, at a time when we transwomen were – also – often branded with the T-word. It was not a term that reflected any sympathetic appreciation of our place in this world.
And the other half of this term – the “chaser” part – was likewise intended to serve as an insult. If I say of a man I know that he is a “skirt chaser,” no one would think I am praising his character or behavior.
I am angry! I feel I must defend myself! Here is a group of men who find me (that is, “transwomen” generally) to be sexually attractive, and who want to spend time with me. They have what seems to be a naturally-occurring erotic fascination for a person (such as me) born into the body of a person of the opposite sex. Nevertheless, I see certain people – even some who imagine themselves to be allies of ours – who seek to shame and vilify those men. I won’t stand for it!
I cannot be “who I am” freely and openly in society if those men who find me most enticing are smeared and slandered with the word “fetish.” (Or, for that matter, smeared or slandered in any other way, even if that slander has its source in some sort of “gender-based militancy” – whether on behalf of women, or others.)
Until recently, we transwomen were ourselves considered to be no more than another exotic variety of “fetish,” and it took the professional integrity of Dr. Harry Benjamin – and the bravery of women like Christine Jorgensen – to begin to wipe away that vile insult.
Why would anyone think that I – or any other transgender woman who has ever cared for a man like this – would be willing to sit back and do nothing while those men who love us are similarly attacked?
No! I cannot come out into the light of day alone. I must speak up and demand that those men who desire me are also allowed to live their truth. Now, I will admit that not every man I have met has behaved…entirely appropriately… or in a “mature manner.” No. They do not. Often, they lack those social skills which we hope (I cannot honestly say “expect”) to find in a polite and well-mannered boyfriend.
Remember: There is a special name for members of the opposite sex who are lacking in the desirable social graces, and who focus entirely too much upon the sex act, itself, and who do not value us for “who we are” and all we have to offer. The technical term for such persons is: “men.”
Are they often undependable, self-centered and flaky? Yes. But also, aren’t they really just the usual sort of man you meet? A person possessed of many fine qualities, and who only needs those little touches that only a female hand can bestow to bring out the kindly and protective aspects of his character?
So I don’t want to hear the term “tranny chasers” any more, and I don’t want to read any more “Gender Warrior” screeds that condemn those men with words that – until recently – were used to condemn transwomen. Those men do not have a “fetish.” They have “natural erotic attractions,” and there’s nothing wrong with that.
And although the “erotic fascination” which they have is somewhat rare, I am happy to report that it is not so rare that we transwomen are forced to live a life which is altogether lonely… or celibate.
I was sitting in a booth at Donut Time, and with me were Sin-Dee and Alexandra – two transgender prostitutes – and Chester, their pimp. Seeing some activity outside, we looked and saw a new black Escalade – still wet from the car wash around the corner – pull up in front. The passenger door opened and out stepped Caitlyn! She hastily folded some bills and stashed them in her bra, then came inside. Seeing her friends, she walked up and slipped into the booth with us.
She took one look at me and appeared to realize, “The jig is up!” But then before admitting who she was, she demanded the same coffee and donuts her friends were enjoying. Taking her first bite of a donut, Caitlyn looked over at Chester to see if he would have any objection to her answering my questions, but Chester was too deeply engrossed in Candy Crush to give a shit. Hence I started my interrogation.
Caitlyn and I spoke for nearly an hour, and here is what she revealed.
When she was left alone and friendless at Donut Time that first day, she was confused and disoriented. Soon, however, she was befriended by Sin-Dee and Alexandra, who helped her get established. At first, the only way Caitlyn could support herself was to sell off all the designer clothing, handbags and jewelry she had with her in her bags. This she did, and (she emphasized) she will be forever grateful to Diane von Furstenberg for helping her through this rough patch in her life.
But in time that money ran out, and she had to get a job. Which she did, as a dishwasher and waitress at Burrito Heaven. It was there, she said, she began to “remember who she used to be.”
First, she found so much simple satisfaction in those lowly jobs of washing dishes and cleaning tables. Because of her, the cooks had clean dishes on which to serve the meals they cooked, and the patrons had clean tables at which to sit. For a person who had spent years feeding that insatiable “Social Media” beast (which gives to no one any milk or hides or meat), it was refreshing to provide an honest “service” to others.
Then, she saw that most of the workers at Burrito Heaven were living lives as much “in secret” as she did during those years she called herself “Bruce.” They had to hide the truth of their legal status, often using fake names and fictional biographies. They lived in fear of exposure – something the old Bruce understood all too well.
Then, she saw that some of the workers lived a “double-secret” life. Some of them were gay, and they had to keep that secret even from those with whom they shared the secret of their citizenship. Imagine! To carry the weight of so much falsity! Not who you claim to be… nor who they think you love. It was painful, Caitlyn said, to be “honest and authentic” in the work she did, but to see so many of her fellow-workers living secret lives.
After a month or so, Caitlyn went on, Chester took her under his wing, and she began to see even more “secrets” surrounding her. Here were Sin-Dee and Alexandra, who no longer even tried to use their family names. (As what’s the use? When your family has disowned you.) And their first names are but “street names” adopted to shield them from the cruel and unforgiving “street.” Each living hand to mouth. Without a past, alone, outcast and shunned.
Not “secret” because of any fault of their own. Their story too well known to all… the world will not pause to hear it… or hearing it, but turns away in silence.
Finally, she revealed that – plying her trade for several months under Chester’s benevolent tutelage – she had learned of yet another group of souls who live their truth in shadow. It is those men who seek her out for her unique “attractions.” They, too, are ever vigilant to hide their faces from the world.
How could they bear the shame if family, spouse or friends were to hear the truth of who-they-love? That most unspeakable of all erotic fascinations, of which Caitlyn Jenner – newest member of the Kardashian Posse – is the most notorious and (if truth be told) the most voluptuous example.
The interview was ended. Snow White got up and went outside to meet one of her admirers, who had pulled up in front. I was left alone with Chester, who told me that – in his professional opinion – the new girl has beginning to fit in real well with Sin-Dee and Alexandra and the other girls who hung out at Donut Time.
“Sometimes,” he said, “the only way to find out ‘how the other half lives’ is to get down and dirty – and share the life they lead.”
(This article was published in the April 19, 2016 issue of GRAB Magazine.)
This Just In!! (Actually, one year from now…) Caitlyn Jenner has been found! The most notorious kidnapping case in California history (since Patty Hearst) has come to an end! Earlier today I made contact with Caitlyn, and in a moment I will tell you the story of her year-long ordeal.
But first… you remember how it all started. One year ago, Caitlyn and her “posse” of transgender women friends started off filming Season 3 of “I Am Cait” by getting into a luxury bus and driving away. Then a few hours later the bus was found by the side of the road, all the members of the posse seemingly drugged into unconsciousness, and Caitlyn missing! After that, authorities conducted an intensive search of every country club, spa, high-end nail salon and Gucci store in southern California – without success. Caitlyn could not be found.
Then, a few days ago – acting on a hunch – I confronted Jenny Boylan and – after threatening to read to her from Donald Trump’s Art of the Deal – she broke down and spilled her guts. Here’s what she told me:
“The trip started out okay, but it didn’t take long for Caitlyn to start in with her privileged, entitled whining about how ordinary transgender women just don’t understand how Republicans are actually their friends. So right away we started arguing, and Caitlyn said ‘Don’t go there!’ one too many times. Well, all of us just lost it. We turned the bus around and headed for south LA. After arriving, we picked a random street corner – there was a “Donut Time” shop there – and kicked her off the bus. And you know, all of us immediately felt better.”
As a reporter, I had to follow up this lead, so I drove to south LA and parked next to Donut Time. I went in, ordered coffee and a donut with pink icing and sprinkles, and looked around. The only person there was a young, black transgender woman, apparently waiting for someone. So I nervously went up to her and asked if I could sit down and ask her some questions.
In response, she helpfully pointed out that I was a “skanky bitch with no more fashion sense than a motherfuckin fish.” (All true enough, I must admit.) Wishing to get on her good side, I offered to buy her some donuts, which I did. Here is what she told me (her name, by the way, was Sin-Dee):
“So yeah, I know that honky bitch, lazy piece of crap. When she got here, she couldn’t even do her own hair or nails or any of that shit! She was useless! So my friend Alexandra, she been lettin’ her sleep in her room, but she had to get a job. Which was the usual sort of shit job us girls have to get, cause no one will give us any kind of decent job.”
“So this skank started out washing dishes and waiting tables at Burrito Heaven over on Sepulveda. Cause she can’t stay with Alexandra unless she pays some rent, and when she shops for clothes, that clueless honky always pays retail.”
So there I was listening to Sin-Dee when the door to Donut Time opened and a young guy – real chill with lots of tattoos and a hoodie – came in. And with him was another young, black transgender prostitute. Turns out his name was Chester, and with him was Sin-Dee’s friend Alexandra. So I bought donuts and coffee all round.
Chester told me that after a few weeks of observing – from a distance – that extremely tall transgender woman I described, and seeing how his customers looked at her, he decided to add her to his stable of girls. Which he did.
He told me, “She would not shut up with her endless, annoying drama about how she didn’t know ‘whether she was into guys or not,’ so I borrowed a car and took her for a ride through the car wash a couple of times.”
“So finally,” he went on, “the realization hit her what it is that men’ want more than anything. She’s such an airhead, I had to pound it into her head. (And ‘pounding’ is sort of my business.) After that, I started finding dates for her, and she learned what a girl has to do to survive on the streets.”
“She stopped expecting other people to do everything for her, and she started doing things for herself. So now, we call her “Snow White” cause girls don’t come any ‘whiter’ than her, and one day I saw her out front of Donut Time surrounded by several of her admirers from Mexico and Guatemala, and she just reminded me of her.”
Just then, we noticed a large, black, tricked-out Escalade pull up in front, and the passenger door opened… (To Be Continued.)
(This article was published in the April 5, 2016 issue of GRAB Magazine.)
Right now, Gender Warriors from coast to coast are having a meltdown over the first episode of the second season of “I Am Cait.” In this episode, Caitlyn Jenner is heard once again declaring herself a “conservative” and assuring the other transgender ladies on the bus that “conservatives fully support all transgender rights.” (It is particularly amusing that Caitlyn says this in the presence of Kate Bornstein, who has spent literally decades fighting Conservative Republicans trying to oppress and disenfranchise transgender men and women.)
But nevertheless, Caitlyn goes on to express her admiration for Ted Cruz and her devotion to bedrock Republican positions regarding the size of the Federal Government (too damn big!), the deficit (out of control!), and welfare payments to the less fortunate (entirely too generous!). Upon being pressed to justify her opinions, Caitlyn refuses to get into any more detailed discussion, saying “Don’t go there!”
Now, I have to honestly confess that I found the other transgender ladies on the bus to be truly touching in their naiveté. They reacted with outrage and alarm to what Caitlyn had said. The spokesperson for the group – Jenny Boylan – did her best to confront Caitlyn, though it was obvious Jenny would far rather have simply jumped onto Caitlyn’s back and strangled her in a Death Grip of Righteous Transgender Anger and Retribution.
Like I said, the reaction of the other ladies on the bus was nothing less than laughable. All of them totally failed to grasp – or correctly react to – the true dynamic of what was enfolding before them. In particular, I fault Jenny, for one reason – a reason which should be all too familiar to any parent who once raised small children.
Supposing that you have a young daughter who says to you, “Mommy, I want to be a ballerina when I grow up” (and that child is neither athletic nor coordinated), a wise parent will simply respond, “Yes, that’s nice, dear. If you work hard and practice every day, you can be whatever you want.”
Because a parent does not expect sophisticated or mature analysis from a 7 year old. But considering how well the ladies on that bus know Caitlyn, they should have figured out by now that Caitlyn – for all her fame – is not a person possessed of any deep or profound insight into anything in this world (though she is getting better at applying eyeshadow).
So when Caitlyn offers her opinion regarding Conservative Republicans, we (if we remember when our children were young) will simply smile our most loving, self-indulgent smile and tell her, “Yes, Caitlyn, it’s so sweet of you to have so much faith in Evangelical Republicans. I’m sure they love you just as much.”
So you see how childishly naïve the ladies were to take anything Caitlyn said at face value.
Did you forget that Caitlyn has the phone numbers of all of the Kardashians in her iPhone? Did it not occur to you that Caitlyn is far more interested in boosting the ratings of her show – and winning yet another renewal from the network – than she is in entering into any honest, nuanced discussion of the transphobic policies of the Republicans?
I want to ask those transgender ladies on the bus this question: Back when you were living your life as a male – did you ever patronize an actual, real-life whore? And if you did, did you believe her when she told you she was attracted to you, and (afterwards) that you were better than any other guy she had ever been with, and that you gave her an orgasm? I assume you did not, because no one goes to a whore to hear “the truth.” We go to them because they give us the fantasy we want and need.
Here’s the bottom line: When you get into bed (or onto a bus) with a World-Class Media Whore, you must continually remind yourself that nothing she says can be taken at face value. She has a “transgender agenda,” but that agenda is only concerned with one single transgender woman – herself.
In fact, she admitted – during this episode – that her “I Am Cait” show, itself, is just a stepping stone to something even bigger! She said she wanted to be appointed as Ted Cruz’s “ambassador” to the transgender community!
So that she – “Expert on Living a Transgender Life” that she is – could be granted by President Cruz the power to establish all the policies of his administration as they relate to transgender men and women.
Because for Caitlyn, this would be even better than seeing her little reality show renewed for another season. Think of it… Caitlyn an advisor to the President of the United States! Maybe she could be appointed…“Secretary of Transsexuals!”
This… the most satisfying wet dream any Media Whore could ever have: Caitlyn Jenner… trusted advisor to President Ted Cruz, and Whore of All Media!
This is a message – really some free legal advice – for Christians everywhere. I am an attorney and have been since 1977, so I have been around the law a while. What I have to say may surprise you, but I hope you will listen with an open mind.
First, I must tell you that I am one of those LGBT people – a transgender woman, to be precise. But what I have to say could be said by any experienced attorney, or by any thoughtful follower of Our Lord.
Me having been a lawyer for 36 years, you can imagine I have deep respect for the law. But let me tell you one aspect of that “respect.”
Let us say, I am waiting outside the grocery store, and I see, not far away, a man using a screwdriver to break into a car. Now, what do I do? First, I look around for a policeman, because I believe I am witnessing a crime, and if so we need a policeman to take action. Car theft is not a joke.
But if there’s no policeman around, then what would I do – what would a normal person do? Well, probably nothing. I might yell at the thief (from a safe distance), or I might try to take his picture with my cell phone, but that’s about it. I am certainly not going to go over there and confront the thief.
And why is that? Because the way “the law” works is – we ordinary citizens are supposed to leave enforcement of the law up to the “officers” of the law.
Just imagine what chaos would result if, instead of relying on law enforcement officers, all the laws were enforced by ordinary citizens: People who usually have no idea what the law is, and would be out there just willy-nilly arresting other ordinary citizens they see around them doing things which – in their ill-informed opinion – must be “unlawful.”
Truly, there would be chaos! And there would be a considerable increase in violence, because lots of the citizens being arrested will feel they are in no way breaking any law. Or, with a bunch of untrained amateurs running around making arrests for no good reason, people would rapidly lose respect for the law, itself.
Now, coming back to our original topic, we all know that certain students of the Bible tell us that the Good Book declares LGBT people to be “sinful” or even an “abomination.” That LGBT people are – by their actions, or even just by being “who they are” – showing disrespect to Our Lord.
So, for the sake of argument, let us take what they say as true. Now, I ask you Christians, what should “law enforcement” do when the “law” involved is “Divine law?”
Even supposing that LGBT people really are “breaking God’s law,” who or where is that policeman who will make the arrest? If you have studied the Bible, you know it doesn’t deputize any (much less “every”) Christian to run out and try to impose punishment on people who might be falling short of His perfection.
No, if you are a sincere believer, you will respect God’s law. And that means, you won’t run out and try to arrest others who – in your private, personal opinion – are breaking His law.
That’s not your job. That’s His job!
Our Lord is perfectly capable of enforcing His own laws. Do you think, when you are standing behind the counter at your bakery, and a same-sex couple comes in to order a wedding cake, that Our Father is unaware of this transaction? That, if you were to just go ahead and bake them the cake they want, and if they were to have a lovely, memorable wedding ceremony, that, for some unknown reason, the fact of them being a same-sex couple will somehow escape God’s notice? And then something terrible will happen (perhaps because of all those gay people tasting buttercream frosting)?
Please, Christians, you running around denying other people the cake they want (or the marriage license they are entitled to) (or the jobs they want, and can do) (or the apartment they want to rent, and can afford) (or the child they would like to adopt, for whom they would be good parents) is disrespectful to Our Lord.
He sees all these things and is not deceived. And right now, what He sees is a bunch of people who – for some unknown reason – think that the Creator of the Universe is either unaware of what is happening in His world, or that He is incapable of enforcing His own laws in the way He chooses.
That – my Christian friends – is disrespectful to Our Lord.
Earlier last year, when I started hearing more about Ben Carson, I was intrigued. Here was a man – an African American – who had a long and distinguished career as a neurosurgeon. Now, if there is some task before you which you want to suggest is well within your abilities, you may dismiss it by saying “It’s not brain surgery!” But Ben could do brain surgery. Not a problem for Ben. So, we know Ben Carson must be a pretty smart guy when he wants to be.
So when a guy like that decides to run for the Presidency, that’s sort of interesting. Because usually the people we get running for high office are people whose biggest accomplishment is that they raised the “Most Campaign Contributions Ever in Hicksville County, Arkansas.” But not Ben. He actually achieved a lot …and saved lives and stuff.
And here is why I was excited about Ben Carson at first. A doctor cannot get to be a doctor unless he or she completes a lot of courses and gets good grades in the sciences. And also math. Because that’s what doctors study – the body, its natural processes, the ways in which it has been known to malfunction, etc. So it’s an uncompromisingly “fact-based” profession. You cannot b—s— your way through a Bio exam the way you can an exam in Poly Sci or English Lit.
So, Ben is the kind of guy who, if you ask him “What is 2 plus 2?” he will tell you “4.” Whereas the usual politician will reply “What do you want it to be?” or “What do most of the voters want?” or (in Chicago) “It’s 6 … 4 with 2 left over for my campaign fund.”
So I was thinking, if Ben Carson were to be elected, and then if some of his more selfish constituents were to come to him and say, “Hey, Ben, how about putting an extra $10 Billion in the budget for us?” I would expect Ben to respond, “Well, I would if I could, but we haven’t got that kind of money, so maybe next year.” And think how refreshing that would be.
But then I started reading some very puzzling statements that Ben has made. He said he thought the pyramids of Egypt were built in biblical times by Joseph for the purpose of storing grain. Now, he also said they might have been built with the help of space aliens, which (when you think about it) is certainly possible (cause who knows?), but whoever built them, I am sure it was not to store grain. Because they’re not hollow. And if you travel across our Great Plains states, through mile after mile of wheat fields, you will search in vain for 450 foot tall granite pyramids filled with grain. Because there are better places to store grain than massive pyramids built of stone.
And recently, Ben has really gone off in a very unfortunate direction. He said he thought a straight man could be “converted” to gay just by going to prison. (Implying that gays get that way by the influence of their environment, instead of being born that way.)
Then, he declared that transgender women make everyone else “uncomfortable.” And so – in order to shield the “normal” people of the country from this (no doubt painful) “discomfort” – the government should build special “transgender bathrooms” in cities and villages all across the land. (Which actually would not be a bad idea, provided transgender women are put in charge of decorating those bathrooms. At present, most of the public bathrooms I have seen are sadly in need of some industrial-strength potpourri.)
So here’s the tragedy of Ben Carson. He was a successful and admired physician, when he stuck to “science.” (As a matter of fact, Ben Carson would perhaps be the best doctor in the whole world to evaluate the results of a series of autopsies of transgender men and women done a few years ago. The results suggested that “transgender” is a condition traceable to an anomaly in the brain, and who better to comment upon that possibility than a pediatric neurosurgeon? Unless, of course, he can’t look at the autopsy results, because they make him “uncomfortable.”)
But the tragedy of Ben Carson is … that Ben doesn’t want to do “science” any more. Now, he just recycles a bunch of “old wives tales” they tell in Sunday schools across the Bible belt. He has given up on “facts” and medicine, and now he peddles a lot of old tired stories handed down from one Baptist preacher to the next.
So, I’m begging you, Ben. Please go back to doing “science.” You – and the country – would be better off.